A good relationship is based on a foundation of trust and safety. The question is, “How do we achieve that?” Below are some ways to create more intimacy and a greater connection with your partner.
- Listen actively to your partner from a place of neutrality and non-judgment. If you have formed your defense before your partner is finished, you are not listening.
- Be curious about what your partner is saying. Ask questions first and respond instead of react.
- Understand there is no right or wrong. We see through the lens of our experience. There is no objective truth. Each person’s perception is valid for them.
- Be willing to move into a place of empathy. Let your partner know you respect what they are saying, that you understand them and imagine walking in their shoes. This grows compassion.
- Don’t blame but take responsibility for your choices and actions. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements when communicating.
- Be willing to find a compromise and sometimes sacrifice. Compromise means you are working as a team.
- Be willing to “stretch” yourself in order to meet the needs of your partner. It may feel uncomfortable at first but the results will speak volumes.
- Be tolerant of each other’s shortcomings. What bothers you about your partner may be what you need to change in yourself.
- Do what you say you are going to do. Trust is built on keeping your word and following through.
- Be willing to forgive. Your anger and resentment will only hold you captive.
- Practice the five to one rule: For every one difficult interaction, express a positive interaction to counter balance it.
- Have fun, play and laugh. This is a prescription for creating joy and fulfillment.
Remember, a loving relationship is not about changing your partner but becoming the person you want your partner to be. Your partner is your perfect mirror. The reflection is a gift to your own healing and therefore, the growth of your relationship.